For many years, we have been taught by society, and sadly, even by our well-meaning relatives or friends, why we should not do something, or why we should not pursue a particular goal. They try to discourage us in some ways. Sometimes, it may not be that they don’t believe in us or our ideas, but that they feel that if they were to pursue the idea/goal themselves, they wouldn’t have the courage to do it—they would be too afraid.

In other words, they pass on their fears to us unconsciously (and unintentionally). Unfortunately, we end up making fewer attempts as a result. And the less we attempt to do something because of fear (the fears others programmed into us), the less our minds believe that courage is already within us. And the less our minds believe that courage is already within us, the more it becomes true (a reality) for us.

In my first article, Run Freely (A Lesson About Courage), I shared with you an important lesson I learned, through observation, many years ago—and that is: Courage has always been inside of us from the time we were children. (And since we were all children at one time, courage is inside “all” of us.)

Courage is not something that comes from outside of us (although external factors or influences can help in drawing that courage out, or can help in getting us to be more in touch with that courage—and that’s what I would like to share with you in the principles below) because absolute courage (or fearlessness) is the very nature of our “spirit” (at least here in the physical world—I say “physical” because, in the physical world, nothing can harm a spirit…and another reason I stress “physical” is that others may say, “The devil is a spirit, why then does the devil fear God?”).

I love the quote I read in one of Wayne Dyer’s books years ago. (Wayne Dyer, by the way, is a highly recognized best-selling author and motivational speaker.) 

The quote was actually by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin…and it goes like this:

We are not human beings

having a spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings

having a human experience.

I figured that’s probably why kids (especially those at an early age) are so courageous (and less self-conscious). They are more in touch with that “spirit” part of themselves.

I believe that as people grow up, they have gotten less and less in touch with that “spirit” part of themselves due to the many self-created (or imaginary) fears—or due to fears that have been passed on to them by others (or society). These fears started to gradually cover up their fearless nature—their very essence or core—just like mold gradually covers up a piece of fresh bread left out in the open.

Keeping the above in mind, here, then, are 12 ways (I’ll cover more in future articles) to unleash the courage within:

1. Reinforce in your being the conviction that you are a “fearless” spirit in a physical body. It’s your true nature. It’s your very essence. Accept this fact and your life will change in positive ways.

Detach yourself from the fear of the body, and the mind,

clinging instead to the fearlessness of the spirit.

~ Chin-Ning Chu ~

It is in your power to discover that who you are has nothing to fear, but that you make yourself fearful each time you look outside of yourself for some power to make you feel fearless.

~ Vernon Howard ~

2. Simply attempt. JUST DO IT. Avoid overanalyzing (which usually results in procrastination). Once you decide to do something, just do it and avoid delaying unnecessarily. Over time, this reinforces the feeling of courage in your nervous system. You’ll be more and more in touch with the courageous part of yourself. And as a result, taking action (without hesitating) will feel more natural to you.

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare,

it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.

~ Seneca ~

Do it like there’s no one watching,

do it like you don’t need the money,

do it like you just can’t lose,

JUST DO IT.

~ Nike Ad ~

In other words, do your best not to give fear (or excuses) a chance to creep in. Why? Because when that happens, the following is what normally results (as Seneca’s quote explains):

A man who suffers before it is necessary

suffers more than is necessary.

Also, as Publilius Syrus’s quote explains:

Valor grows by daring, fear by holding back.

3. Permit yourself to be courageous (avoid allowing yourself to be cowardly). And avoid giving others (or anything) permission to make you feel fearful. The keyword here is “permission.”

Understanding this principle and applying it in your daily life will empower you in ways you may not have imagined before. It puts you in a powerful position because it gives you control (in other words, you won’t be just a mindless punching bag to others). You can “consciously” decide whether or not someone will negatively influence you. As a result, you’ll be more at ease in dealing with others, no matter who they are.

You see, the reason some people are bullied is that “they permit it.” They permit the bully to bully them. But the moment they no longer permit the bully to mistreat them, the bully loses his/her power.

(There’s an excellent section on this concept of “permission” in Gerry Spence’s book, How To Argue And Win Every Time.)

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~

Starting now, never again permit hard or disapproving

facial expressions to intimidate you.

~ Vernon Howard ~

4. Reinforce the belief that the only power others have is the power you give them. Their power comes from you. It is your gift to them. Their power is mere “your perception” of their power (in other words, the source of their power is in your mind). And you have a choice at any moment how much power you will give them.

This very powerful principle can be applied to fears/anxieties you may have when dealing with others. As you regularly apply this principle, you’ll be more at ease when dealing with anyone, even authority figures or influential people. Also, with this knowledge, it will be in your power to give “less” or “no” power to those who like to abuse it (ex. bullies or difficult people in general).

This empowers you and reinforces your courage at the same time because you are in a position to make a “conscious” decision (just like principle #3 above). People won’t be able to abuse power because their power comes from you in the first place. At any moment, you can easily take back any power you’ve already given them…“just by deciding.”

(Again, there’s an excellent section/chapter on this principle in Gerry Spence’s book, How To Argue And Win Every Time.)

No human being has any authority over you. Your life belongs

to you and you alone. No scowling face or irritated manner,

no challenging posture or threatening tone has any power to make

you feel nervous or anxious, frightened or angry. This is a fact;

and anyone tired of letting someone else tell them how to

feel can use this self-liberating principle to win true and lasting independence. Your true nature answers to no man.

~ Vernon Howard ~

No one can make you happy or sad or excited or angry

unless you give them that power over your life.

Decide right now to only give your power to those

things, circumstances, and people that support you

in getting what you want.

~ Marshall Sylver ~

Don’t let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead, give to yourself that which empowers you.

~ Les Brown ~

5. Reinforce the belief that the only power “anything” has is the power you give it. The power that events and experiences have over you will depend on the meaning you give them. (Two people can go through similar experiences but will respond in completely different ways, depending on what meaning they give those experiences.)

Again, just like principles 3 and 4 above, applying this principle will empower you because you will have the ability to make a “conscious” decision (it gives you the power of “choice”—you get to choose how you will perceive or interpret any event, experience, etc.).

Nothing has any power over me other than that

which I give it through my conscious thoughts.

~ Anthony Robbins ~

If you are distressed by anything external,

the pain is not due to the thing itself but

to your estimate of it; and this you have

the power to revoke at any moment.

~ Marcus Aurelius ~

Nothing has any power except the power that you give it.

~ Marshall Sylver ~

6. Apply the “calmness linked to fear” technique (a powerful technique that can help you remain calm in situations that would normally trigger fear/anxiety).

Imagine one of your biggest fears, whatever it is (a situation, a thing, a specific person, a type of person, etc.). Then imagine or visualize (in “associated” mode—meaning, you are seeing things in your surroundings from inside your own body…and not watching yourself as an actor on a movie screen) yourself being calm—being relaxed.

For example, if one of your biggest fears is having confrontations with specific types of people (ex. bullies or difficult people). Imagine the bully in front of you (you can do this with your eyes open or closed—whatever is more comfortable for you), yelling at you—at the top of his/her voice, insulting you, putting you down, “commanding” you (like a dictator) to do things, etc. (imagine the worst-case scenario). And while the bully is doing these things to you, “consciously” relax your body.

Be aware of any tension in your body, then think and “relax.” Be aware of your breathing to make sure it’s not shallow or too fast. Breathe naturally…in a relaxed manner. Feel your body becoming more and more relaxed as you imagine the bully doing his/her all to shake your foundation.

You could even smile…and I mean “actually smile”…or smile inside…while you’re looking straight at him/her (as if you were saying to him/her, “Who are you trying to fool?”). Or even laugh inside…while you’re looking at him/her. Whatever it takes for you to reach an empowering state—a “calm” or “relaxed” state.

The goal of this exercise is to link/associate the feeling of “calmness” or “being relaxed” with that particular fear (in this case, the bully) you’re imagining.

If you do this exercise effectively (by the way, you can do it as many times as needed—although I’ve found that one or two sessions usually does the trick), when you are put in a situation where you have to face that particular fear (ex. the bully), you will feel calm or relaxed. Or, at the very least, the fear (or anxiety) you normally would have felt will have decreased dramatically to the point where it no longer bothers or paralyzes you.

7. Constantly work on increasing your self-awareness—your self-knowledge. As some would say: Know thyself. The more you know about yourself (your strengths, weaknesses, fears, beliefs, goals, motives, etc.), the calmer, more confident, and more courageous you’ll be.

When two people meet, the prize always goes to the

one with the most self-insight. He will be calmer,

more confident, more at ease with the other.

~ Vernon Howard ~

He who knows much about others may be learned,

but he who understands himself is more intelligent.

He who controls others may be powerful,

but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.

~ Lao-Tzu ~

8. Make a list of the following, and review regularly, or once in a while (depending on the need), to serve as empowering reminders:

Your past successes/victories

Risks you’ve taken in the past

Your past courageous acts

Reminding yourself of past victories, courageous acts, etc., helps empower you in the present moment. What you’re saying to yourself, as you face the present challenge, is, “I’ve succeeded many times before, therefore I can do it again.” Or, “I’ve been victorious many times in the past, therefore I can be victorious again.”

9. Surround yourself with others who help uplift your spirit. Avoid associating with those who like to bring you down or belittle your ideas (either because they don’t believe in you or your ideas—or because they know they would be fearful in the same situation…and they want you to feel the same way so they won’t be alone in feeling that way). In other words, choose your environment (which includes the people who surround you regularly) wisely.

Remember: Courage is contagious. And so is cowardice.

We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and

people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover

ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.

~ Barbara De Angelis ~

To succeed in life, you have to forget about most people.

If you want to rise to the top, you have to disregard the

opinions, reactions, and warnings of others.

~ Ken Roberts ~

10. Get used to dealing with the unexpected (or uncertainty). In other words, don’t wait until you have all the answers before taking any action. Don’t wait until all conditions are perfect before taking the necessary steps you know you should take.

By mastering this skill, you’ll be able to go out there in the world with courage and confidence, taking one action after another, no matter what the conditions may be. You’ll be so used to dealing with the unexpected (having the ability to handle anything that comes your way) that even during times when you are not quite 100% prepared, you’ll feel confident in taking action.

The number one characteristic of students who later become

heads of companies is the ability to withstand uncertainty.

~ David A. Thomas, Dean, Cornell Business School ~

The individual can deal with the unexpected that characterizes the difference between success and failure.

~ Ross Perot ~

The following quotes explain why it’s usually not a good idea to wait until “all conditions are perfect” before taking action:

If you wait until the wind and the weather are just right,

you will never plant anything and never harvest anything.

~ Ecclesiastes 11:4 (Good News Bible) ~

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections

must be first overcome.

~ Samuel Johnson ~

11. Simply decide that fear will not get in your way no matter what. If you happen to feel fear, for whatever reason, do what you have to do anyway. Act despite fear. You don’t have to wait until the fear is gone. Like Susan Jeffers’s book suggests: 

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.

Despite the fear, do what you have to do.

~ Chin-Ning Chu ~

Courage is acting despite fear.

~ Howard W. Hunter ~

12. Apply the “I have nothing to prove,” or “I don’t have to prove anything” attitude. Avoid feeling the need to prove yourself to anyone. Just be your natural self. Express your true self. Always make it your goal to “express,” not “impress.” When you’re focused on “expressing,” you’ll be more at ease.

Your true nature never needs to anxiously prove itself

to others, but lives in calm commands, like a popular king.

~ Vernon Howard ~

The real acid test of courage is to be just your honest self

when everybody is trying to be like somebody else.

~ Andrew Jensen ~

The time men spend in trying to impress others, they could

spend in doing the things by which others would be impressed.

~ Frank Romer ~

Naturalness is the easiest thing in the world to acquire,

if you will forget yourself—forget about the impression

you are trying to make.

~ Dale Carnegie ~

This above all: to thine own self be true.

~ William Shakespeare ~

[In addition to the 12 principles above, read my article, How To Be Confident And Relaxed When Speaking Before A Group Of People (Powerful Tips To Help You Become A Highly Effective Speaker/Presenter), if you haven’t done so already. You’ll find that many of the principles in that article can be applied to life in general.]

I would like to end this article with a beautiful story I read many years ago.

Michaelangelo, the world-famous painter, sculptor, and architect was once asked how he could carve such magnificent statues. And he answered, “The perfect statue is already there within the block of marble. I simply chip away the excess.”

And so it is with courage. It’s already there within you. You only need to create or devise ways (like the ones I shared with you above) to chip away—or get rid of—any unnecessary fears, worries, apprehensions, etc., so that the courage within you will be unleashed more fully.

For instance, if a bus is heading in your path, swerving you have a right to fear. There is nothing wrong with healthy fear. The problem is you have to put healthy fear in its place, and unhealthy fear out of your life.

Once you build courage, you will learn to self-direct yourself in life. You will learn to accept punishment and rewards gracefully. A courageous person will often feel motivated to accept blame and responsibility while reviewing their actions and using what they learn to move forward. Courageous people will step to the front rather than step back when opportunities come their way. On the other hand, a courageous person will step back and view his or her mistakes gracefully.

Sometimes the courageous person is spontaneous. It is never good to plan each day because no one knows what the next day will bring in. Think about it. How many times have you planned something all to see it shatter in your face the next day? For instance, I plan to go to the ballgame tomorrow. Come tomorrow, a blizzard, hurricane, tornado, windstorm, or rainstorm could change your mind. You planned, but did you plan for the weather. Did you make a backup plan in case your first plan failed? As you can see, planning is not always in your favor, which is why courageous people are sometimes spontaneous.

A person willing to improve their life will relax. This person will relax even when plans fail. For instance, if it stormed the next day, the person will find something else to occupy his or her time and feel just as happy about joining this adventure.

To become successful in life, you will need to learn to trust yourself. When you trust you, you can trust others as well. Unfortunately, we live in a world where trust is hard to find. Yet when you trust yourself, you can’t blame others when things go wrong.

Improving your life includes using your creative and critical mind. When you can create new ideas, you are off to the road to success. You have many options in this world, it takes you to pull up resources to find those options.

Sometimes, in life, we feel uncomfortable. But this is common. Are you willing to accept your discomforts? Perhaps at an interview, you feel misplaced. Are you willing to accept this discomfort and find a way to deliver a good speech to impress the interviewer? Alternatively, are you willing to allow negative energies to cost you the job?

Do you accept?

Do you accept the things you cannot change? Do you accept the things you have control over? Do you accept other people regardless of how these people act? Do you accept yourself for who you are? Do you accept the changes that life brings your way?

Acceptance is your key to happiness. When you can learn to accept the good with the bad, you can learn how to live happier and improve your personal life. If you cannot accept, however, well, reread this article.

Courage is the only haven where vanity can cower in its utter dependence. A man’s individuality can only suffer a present, without therefore yielding to a past, through a hard, conscientious, and well-mannered proportion of ‘courage’ in its vigor. It is convincing because it is worldly. It is innocuous because it provides merely. It is courage because there is no surrogate. It is perfect.

If peradventure, a man is subtracted of this corporeal courage, if his amorphous vanity is evicted, if his surrealism is crushed, and then, we unleash the world on him – he would be lost. He would also eventually die, encumbered by the knowledge of ethical nudity; but more significantly, he would be lost.

There is a righteous inner bearing that essentially, every man as a human being lacks and every man as a man is brilliantly deficient of. This is true courage. And it is imperfect. No one can acquire too much from a soul who has a simple estimate to bestow. Similarly, no one can acquire too much courage when it is rudimentary. There is neither more to situate nor to say.

In time, when consequences surface, there is a moment, a burgeoning tear in existence, when our shoddy humanness and the truest test of valor is argued of. It impugns courage. When a man can simply say ‘yes’ without levying the condemnation and yet denoting ‘yes’ in respect of the veracity and not of motive; when a being can be altruistic not for benevolence or benignity but just for not being selfish; when a man can be trivial and demand nothing more in its uniqueness; when a supreme being wavers adamantly in confrontation and has scarcely more to render; when the sport is a gentle pleasure and no pleasure is a gentle sport; when nothing, absolutely nothing is beyond today and the capability of the succeeding second; when terms suffuse, saturate and are conclusive, abandoned at the hilt, to abet a man to deal with realism in its coarse primitiveness; when the challenge is not to vanquish the native soul but to subjugate the person; when good and bad are uttered from an unbiased lip that comprises no inequity – it incites the only portents of true courage. The garnered rhythm of imperfection.

The road that leads us and simultaneously possesses our virtues also scurries past our crimes. When we’re adamant to pursue our principality in the guise of our severe element, we challenge the attitude of nature that condemns us in prospect, and we’re penitent of not our animosity, but our innocence. Our propensity to be secured to just the morals and ethnic etiquette is what sees us to our peril, for severity asserts no kings, just brutes. When we’re self-righteous, we’re invisible, for it is a desultory world; and when we’re invisible, by time and act, slowly and subtly, we part into a crowded handful of idealists that are meant to be churned and crushed in a grating dynamism. Either serve as a consequence for just being in the organ of one’s virtues.

The sin is not to be human but to act human. To be human is to have virtues that exalt and distinguish man. To act human is to present these virtues to the on-looking world and be at the mercy of their contemplation. They decide whether you befit the standard of what they think is ideal or not. And eternally, a man who contains virtues that exploit his realism against the ordinary is not considered for the rigid society that is condemned in the hearts and souls of men with stolid mindsets and hard, onerous determinations. The man is seen to moral death with the blame on his forehead of endeavoring to be self-reliant and a philosopher in ever-scared times when the need is to prevent culture and a mannerism. The virtuous man is slaughtered keenly by the hands of these lesser humans, these men. His ego is deteriorated and throttled until he, himself, surrenders to being ordinary, to being a man.

We need a subjective hero for humankind, a simple savior posed against a perpetual question: Who is the enemy, exactly? A man who would neither fail nor succeed, instead be content and fulfilled to the extent of his requirements. Alas, a man, who would neither do penance for his virtues nor let them be used as the tools of his destruction.

Courage is daring to be. Brave. Enterprising. Bold. In your business or personal life, how often do you question your thoughts, your actions, or your motives? When you don’t exercise the ability to always test yourself, you may lose not only your confidence, but more importantly, you lose the ability to focus, to know yourself, your friends, and your customers.

When faced with decisions and challenges, asking yourself questions every time, gives you the courage to discover what is important to you and what a particular situation means to you, and what result or solution you’d like to accomplish.

Not many people experience life the way they want it to be. If things don’t work out the way you want, don’t find someone else to blame. Know what goals you want, then question your actions in reaching them. Compare your answers to what others may wish for you. After all, having a successful business or a life of contentment requires you to know yourself and the goals that are best for you.

Courage is getting in the habit of looking inward and going with your highest feeling of what’s true and what feels right for you. Apply this inner evaluation in your business and your personal life. This is important if you wish to grow and stay successful. It works!

Have the courage to be curious (not nosy!). A quest for knowledge about life and the people you interact with is good. Look for answers to whatever you plan to do. This keeps you thinking. Keep a journal if it helps. Over time, you can look back and discover the results of your actions (or reactions) to certain problems. Then when faced with future or similar problems, you’ll have a ready solution.

Realize your weaknesses and work toward improving them. Continue to renew yourself and remember that life has a way of constantly testing your ability and courage to deal with it. When you can learn to appreciate the challenges in your business and personal life, you find inner strength. Then you’re able to bring about inner peace and spirituality that gives you a good tool for building self-confidence and self-esteem.

There’s something inside each of us that fuels our motivation, passion, and reason to succeed. Keep encouraging yourself to take the necessary risks to refuel your confidence. Question your motives. Then search for the answer. Question any doubts you or others may have about your courage to succeed. You are what’s important.

Don’t let negative thoughts get in the way of your progress and your goals. Control your thoughts. Think about what’s important to you. When your thoughts are positive, they have a way of replenishing your courage. No matter how often unpleasant or difficult challenges get you down, don’t give in to negative thinking. Just pick yourself up and move on. Focus on what gives you your strength and uniqueness.

Remember motivation, passion, and your reason to succeed in life, as well as in business, are essential requirements to reaching your goals. Live life in a constant state of awareness, with peaceful thoughts, a dash of forcefulness, and a good measure of faith and spirituality. You will then be exercising your gift of courage.

I believe living a life of purpose begins and ends with courage. It takes courage to open up and face your truth, to be honest with yourself.

There are many hindrances and roadblocks along the path of purposeful living. In my own life, the biggest has been fear. The fear of showing vulnerability. The fear of being judged. The fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown, and uncertainty. There was fear everywhere I turned. Until one day, I just got sick and tired of living in fear.

In a conversation about some of the world’s great revolutions with a friend who grew up in Russia, the point was made that one of the conclusions an oppressed people must come to is they “just can’t live this way anymore.” This is the point at which the pain of being oppressed becomes greater than the pain of facing fear. Fear is an oppressive bully and thief. The way to conquer it is to face it with confidence and courage. The feeling comes over you that something has got to change, and it has to change now! Perhaps, you’ve known this feeling.

I have concluded (and of course you must arrive at your own) that no one, no situation, no experience, is going to deter me from living the rest of my life on what I believe is the course of my PURPOSE. Eventually, one way or another, I will die. But, in the process of living, I am the one responsible for identifying, connecting to, and living my own purposeful life. To live any other way would be to not live fully.

What courage do I need to call on? I summon my courage to let go of perceived past wrongs, regrets, hurts. Things that are done are done. I look and live forward. I let go of blaming and anger, release jealousy, envy, and any feelings of scarcity, helplessness, or hopelessness. I’m continually building and healing myself. It takes courage to accept responsibility for my success and happiness. The courage to live on purpose. The courage to be real. The courage to be me.

You decide when you’re ready to move to the next step in your purposeful evolution. Look around. You’ll find a book, a friend, a coach, a spiritual guide, or a teacher to help you uncover your true connection to yourself, your truth, and your purpose. Maybe, you’ll even be that friend, guide, or teacher for someone else, which will be part of your journey.

I am truly grateful for others who showed me through books, stories, and in the way they live their life that I can live on purpose and be happy. The key ingredient, as I’ve learned, is Courage.

As always, thanks for hanging out.

Live some. Lovesome. Learn some. Everyday.

C…